No matter what stage of life we are in, life is hard. There are ups so high you feel like you are invincible and lows so low you wonder why you keep going. In my opinion, most of this is tied to knowledge and perspective.
     When we are kids, we are frustrated because everyone older than us thinks they know best. We are bossed around, herded, but hopefully, also challenged to grow, learn, and develop. Kids ask WHY all the time. "Because I said so" isn't an answer. Giving kids reasons as to why we do things will help them grow and understand. It will make them feel respected and everyone deserves respect no matter how young. Being a kid and not having the answers is hard. But a kid who isn't given the chance to learn the answers and ask questions of him/herself is a kid who will have it hard forever.
     When we are teenagers, we are still supposed to be learning and growing and asking questions but we are just on the cusp of independence and waiting for that is antagonizing. If you are a teenager, enjoy it. You have some perspective on life already. The worst things that usually happen as a teen is that we begin to realize that life isn't rainbows and butterflies, but for the most part our highs and lows are school dances and breakups and sporting events and fights with parents. Teens are so smart. They have the world at their feet. If you are a teen, tell yourself every day that you can do anything and ask 5 new questions every day. Don't stop looking for answers until you get them. If you aren't a teen but you know some, challenge their questions, make them think, but please, please, don't ever tell them they "can't" or they "won't be able to" do something. Being an adult is hard enough. Let them live in the life of "anything is possible" for as long as they can.
     In college we pay a lot of money to supposedly prepare ourselves for the real world and the rest of our lives. Or we pay a lot of money to drink beer and come out with student debt and no idea what to do with ourselves. I didn't drink a lot of beer nor do I have student loans, but I'm almost five years out of college, 1.5 years out of grad school, and I still have no idea what I'm doing. I'm wondering if being in your 20s is the worst stage of all. There are still highs, there are still lows, but now that we are "adults" and supposed to know what we are doing, the highs are shorter usually followed by a low "oh, shit, what did I get myself into." And that's OK, I think. We aren't supposed to have it all figured out in our 20s or even 30s or beyond. Surround yourself with good people. People who'll dig you out of a hole when you hit your bottom (or finally realize you aren't in college anymore and the hangover is real), and people who'll cheer your way to the top of your highs. Just because college is over doesn't mean it's time to stop learning. No way. This is the time where we learn about ourselves with the most flourish.  No one is paying your bills anymore. No one has a say in where you go or what you do, so explore. Be bold. Be scared. I'm scared every day. But if you aren't doing things that are scary, if you only ever hang out in that comfort zone, you'll never change. You'll never learn or become better if you don't take on a challenge. Learning doesn't stop at college. We take these risks like sky diving and bungee jumping and drinking too much and climbing mountains. If you would put your faith in a parachute or a harness, why wouldn't you put that faith into yourself? You are amazing. Exactly the way you are. And it's OK to not have any idea what you are doing. You are worth it. Life is worth it. Think how much higher the high, better the reward, when you've gone through the low and the challenge to receive it.
     I don't know what happens beyond our 20s. I can imagine it's still hard. Maybe our highs and lows start to even out some. I think we still have melt downs and freak outs. But that's where perspective starts to come in, right? As we get older, we realize life is too short. Live it now. Take the risks. See what happens. If you fall, you fall, so what? You know that wasn't the option for you. And that's OK. Move on to the next thing. Let go of the things that don't serve you. Embrace the things that do and learn more about them. I imagine that the worst thing that could happen in this life is to wake up and realize it's too late. I believe in you.

I was unsure of how to write about the tragedies in Paris that occurred last week. And then my idiot governor of this great state of Nebraska showed me how to do it. 

In my opinion our first task as members of humanity and citizens of the world is to send our love and thoughts to those most closely connect to the attacks. Those who have lost their lives, loved ones, and feelings of safety. This is not the first horrific event of its kind, nor will it be the last, and every event like this deserves our attention. 

The second great tragedy of this event is what it will do to members of the Muslim community. There are 1.4 billion people who practice the religion of Islam. If we wanted to fuel the fire that some are creating in their belief that Islam=terrorism, then we are feeding into the extremists who are misrepresenting their religion and rallying their cause around their believe that the Western world is waging a war on Islam. Islam actually means peace. Just as Christians don't let the KKK or the Westboro Baptist church represent all of Christianity, we cannot let extremist stereotype 1.4 billion peaceful people. People cause violence, not faith. 

America has prided herself on being a country of the free. We are the melting pot of the world. The Statue of Liberty says, "Give me your tired, your poor,/Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,/The wretched refuse of your teeming shore./Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me,/I lift my lamp beside the golden door!" This is what America was founded on--being a place of freedom, safety, and acceptance. And now there are governors claiming they will refuse Syrian refugees from their states? Not only is it un-American to not help those who are fleeing the terrorists we so passionately stand against, it's inhumane to not help our fellow brothers and sisters, our fellow human beings. Two million of these refugees are children. Two million children who have lost parts of their family, their homes, their childhood innocence and we won't open our doors to give them safety from those extremists. 

I know full well there are many, many millions of Christians with compassion in their hearts who do not have ill will toward our Muslim neighbors. I also know that the United States is slowing becoming a nation of non-religious and "Other" rather than so dominated by Christianity. Yet, there are some high profile, high power Christians who are taking a very un-Christian approach to the issue of helping these "huddled masses yearning to breathe free." Jeb Bush feels we should only allow Christian refugees into our country. The Governor of my state, Nebraska, has also said he would refuse Syrian refugees fleeing war. This same Governor has spent over $300,000 on keeping the death penalty in Nebraska even when lawmakers voted to abolish it. Apparently Governor Ricketts has a loose interpretation of the Commandment "Thou shall not kill." Christians in America will soon celebrate Christmas--a holiday where we learn of a Middle-Eastern family who traveled far from their home only to be turned away at every inn and made to sleep in a barn. Is that really how we are going to treat those seeking a roof over their heads? The most popularly quoted Bible verse tells us that God so loved the world that he sacrificed his only son to save all of humanity. All of humanity. Jesus didn't say I'll die for you and you, but the rest of y'all can suffer. 

I have never been ashamed of where I am from until this last year when I have seen my state give marriage equality and then have the governor take it away, abolish the death penalty and then have the governor fight for it to stay. Now we have the opportunity to show love and compassion to our fellow humans and the governor wants to turn those who need our help away. I am embarrassed and ashamed. I am so saddened that the place where I was raised, the place that has shown me so much love and support would be so backward to not extend that love and support to all who need it.

For now, I can close with pride in my president, pride in my country. In response to those who have said they will deny refugees, Obama has said: "When I hear folks say that, well, maybe we should just admit the Christians but not the Muslims; when I hear political leaders suggesting that there would be a religious test for which a person who’s fleeing from a war-torn country is admitted, when some of those folks themselves come from families who benefited from protection when they were fleeing political persecution—that’s shameful. That’s not American. That’s not who we are. We don’t have religious tests to our compassion."  http://go.wh.gov/Qr48Yt That. That right there is the kind of person I want to be. The kind of world I want to live in. I know that the number one thing in this world I am meant to be is kind to everyone and the world around me.  If we close our doors on those who are "different" from us, life will be a long and lonely existence. Open your eyes. If we were all the same, we'd never learn, never grow, never become better. We need each other. 

     I think there comes a point in every person’s life when she/he realizes someone he/she looked up to is a human being with flaws. While we accept things like speeding tickets or an occasional F-bomb, a poor choice or two in someone’s youth, but it can be pretty earth shattering when we realize that someone we look up to represents something we are against. As we grow up and we start to formulate our own morals and values, sometimes those new ideas can go against what our teachers, parents, grandparents, mentors, aunts, uncles have told us. And that’s OK. If we all were the same, the human race would never progress. However, you’ll probably reach a point in your life when you’ll have the choice to stand up for what you believe in or be silent. As scary and daunting as it is, I encourage you to stand up.

     I’m going to write about my dad not because I want people to think he is a crappy person, but because I believe I have a real duty to use my voice. My dad is not a crappy person, but somethign needs to be said. My dad was my hero when I was little. He carried me on his shoulders, taught me to count, shot hoops with me, took me to the farm and taught me how to drive. He gave me my first job mowing lawns, has traveled all over with me to watch me race, and he never, ever misses a chance, still to this day, to tell me he loves me and he’s proud of me.

     But my dad is racist.

     And he goes out of his way to be racist.

     My dad is from a small town. He probably has no friends of color nor does he interact with any people who are too different than him—middle class, white, Christian, male. And that’s all OK. I can forgive not understanding another culture. I can understand not believing another religion. Hell, I can understand not believing that racism exists if you live in a place where you can’t see it daily. However, his racism is not this subtle. Every day he post something on Facebook that screams with bigotry. At first I removed him from Facebook. Then there were emails. I broke down each email with care and statistics that I was sure would convince anyone that racism still exists and open his eyes to the obstacles that people face every day. Nothing. And maybe he didn’t read them. Maybe he wants to live this way. But I can’t let it go. I can’t believe that someone who has taught me how to love and loved me so much could spread that kind of hate into the world.

     I believe that we are all different so that we can learn from one another. So that we can teach each other and help each other become better. My dad taught me when I was small. I also have faith in his love for me that he’ll have my back no matter what. I have to believe with all of my heart that by saying something, maybe I can start to change his mind and he can now learn from me. I love my dad. But someday I might adopt a baby that is African-American or Latino or marry someone of a different race or religion or maybe my child will be LGBTQ (something else my dad can’t wrap his mind around). I don’t want that child to grow up in a world where her mom doesn’t stand up for her and her grandfather’s racism/bigotry is ignored. I don’t want any child to grow up in a place where people aren’t working to give them a better world.

     Love everyone. Even for their imperfections. But don’t be afraid to stand up for what is right. If you question if something is right or not, ask yourself if what is being said is spreading love or hate. Always help love win.  

Haters are gonna hate.

We've all heard that line so many times that it's easy to dismiss. However, we all know someone who lives on drama, someone who can't be pleased, someone who has to be right all the time, someone who judges everyone he/she walks passed. When we are the observer of this kind of hater behavior, it's easy to say, well she's a Drama Queen--her life is so boring that she has to pick at the littlest things and blow them out of proportion. It's easy to say, well, he's a hardass. Nothing is good enough for him so why bother.

But it's not easy to be the recipient of that behavior. It's not easy to bust your butt every day for a coach that, rather than seeing the 20 free throws you made in a row, hounds you for the layup you missed. It's not easy to be friends with someone who gives backhanded compliments like "you are so pretty, but it's too bad your acne takes away from that." Seriously. People are assholes.

I'd love to tell you to hold your head high and your middle finger higher and give a big f-you to the haters. While I'd totally support you if you did that, I know that is not the easy or classiest way to deal with haters. I'd love to tell you kill them with kindness, because if you repeatedly ooze with niceness, there's no way that someone could feel comfortable always being a jerk. However, as stated above, people are assholes, so that might not be a viable option either.

My best piece of advice when dealing with haters is this process:
1. Ask yourself if this person's comment/action is something that is mean (intentionally or unintentionally) or is it actually productive criticism.
2. If it's mean, move to 2A. If it's actually the hard truth that you needed to hear, but didn't want to hear, move on to 2B.
     2A. Take a moment before reacting to this mean comment. This is hard. Probably the hardest part of the whole process. Think about what part of you, physically or emotionally is being attack. Move to 3.
     2B. Thank the person you are talking with for having the hard conversation with you. Brainstorm ways to move forward with the criticism you received.
3. If this is something you can correct with kindness: if my friend says wow, I love your jeans, they really make your butt look smaller. Instead of being pissed she called my butt fat, I could say, "thanks, Stacy. Your hair looks great today" and hope that, eventually, she gets sick of sounding like a jerk when I come off sounding kind. If this is something you cannot correct with kindness, move on to step 4.
4. This is when it gets real. These are usually the worst hater attacks. These are the things we can't brush off as easily. Example: Someone tells me, "Erin, you would be a much better person if you spent less time running and more time praying." Or "Erin, there's no way you can support gay rights and not go to hell." These things don't brush off easily, because they are me. I run because it's my religion and I feel it makes me a better person. I do support and love every person, no matter who they are/what they believe/who they love/where they come from. To these haters, my best advice is to say, "take me for who I am, or leave me. Love me like I love you, treat me how you want to be treated, or buzz off and mind your own business."

We are all different because our differences are what make us interesting. Our differences are what help us challenge one another and help each other grow. Love who you are, be proud of who you are, and if anyone tells you differently, take a moment to remind yourself that haters are gonna hate. Then tell all the haters, if they don't have anything nice to say to you, don't bother saying anything at all. You are better than their drama, their judgment, their meanness. Nobody's got time for haters.

I did it. I finished Run Rabbit Run 50 miles again. Last year I did not get an official time although I finished (see my previous blog post about how it all went), this year, I conquered the mountain in the time allowed. I'll do like last year and break things down by section.

Start to Mount Werner: This is one of the worst parts of the race. And it's the very beginning. 6.4 miles all uphill, all switchbacks. You gain 3,900 feet in elevation. I had a headache. But** unlike last year, I had my buddy Cade with me. Last year I followed a group that ran the wrong way. Like literally crossed the start line in the wrong direction. This year, Cade was there to lead me. We met other friends. Last year was my first year running Run Rabbit, and I was one of maybe 50 people who raised their hands when asked if it was their first 50 miler. This year, well over half of the race was first time 50 milers. Way freaking cool.

Mount Werner to Long Lake: This part of the trail is mostly runable, meaning lots of downhills and flats, not so much hiking. It's single track--so narrow and technical (lots of rocks and roots to navigate)--and mostly sneaky downhill. I love this part of the race but hate it with a fiery passion because I know how horrible it is on the way back. This is the longest section between aid stations--6.8 miles. This year I was far better trained. I packed breakfast burritos. I slammed one here. I was not going to let not eating hit me like it did last year.

Long Lake to Base Camp: Lovely section. Also mostly runable. Cade and I caught up with his wife Molly, my most wonderful friend who got me to do this race (some crazy friend huh?). She was having a rough day and Cade wasn't feeling well either so they decided to stick together. I had to go on alone. Last year I was only alone for one section (the long one mentioned above on the way back) and I went to a dark, dark place. I'm pretty sure a piece of my soul got left between Long Lake and Mount Werner last year. This time, however, I didn't mind being alone. Long Lake to Base Camp is pretty. You travel over streams, across meadows, and through the forest. This section is around 5 miles long.

Base Camp to Dumont: I felt so good here. I knew my family was waiting for me at Dumont. My mom, aunts Linda and Karla, boyfriend, and grandpa had all come out to support me. Telling myself they were there helped me go harder. When they saw me, they cheered and jumped and hugged me and reminded me why I run--to be a better person, to be a person that my family is proud of. And not proud of because of the miles I can run, but because of what running does to my work ethic, my spirit, and the way it clears my head. I'd really probably be a jerk if I didn't run.

Dumont to Rabbit Ears: This part is hard. You have to go 3ish miles up the mountain to touch Rabbit Ears, a rock formation for which the race, and a pass along the mountain, is named. It's steep, like crawling up and down steep--last year I slid down on my butt. It's above the tree line. I hated myself ever step I took up toward that stupid rock but damn it if I didn't touch it and forget all those awful thoughts. I touched the rock, knew I was half way, and practically skipped down the mountain back to Dumont. I hugged my family one more time and knew it would be hours before I saw them again. Molly and Cade were at Dumont. They had decided to drop from the race. They both hugged me, lectured me on salt and eating, and told me they'd see me at the finish line.

If you're going to drop out of this race, Dumont is the place to do it. It's the only place where someone can take you back down the mountain. I look at Dumont as no turning back. Miles 22ish and 28ish.

Dumont to Base Camp: Well, it wouldn't be a race for me if I didn't go the wrong way once. I had to pee, stopped, got disoriented, ran the wrong way, found a buddy, found our way back to the path and carried on. I proceeded to pass my buddy and go it alone.

Base Camp to Long Lake: Everything on my body felt good. I felt strong and knew I was far better trained this year than last. Last year I didn't know what to expect. I was totally ready to run 50 miles, but had done little hiking training. Stupid. This year, I was ready to hike the ups, run the downs and the flats. I trained in the humidity, the closest thing I could do to get ready for the altitude. My best running buddies Yadi and John were real troopers going out to the trails for 3-6 hours 1-2 days every weekend. Last year I had also done a half Ironman 6 weeks before Run Rabbit. Stupid. This year I did my last tri the last weekend in June so that I was prepared to take 2 months to train for RRR. Smart. I was alone again, but doing well.

Long Lake to Mount Werner: Oh, this cursed section. Last year this was the only place where I was alone. I thought I was going to die. I thought I was lost and that I would have to lie down and freeze to death or be eaten by a bear. Or be shot by a hunter. The only thing getting me through was knowing that my mom was waiting for me. This time I knew to expect this. I also knew half of my family was waiting for me. I passed a few groups of people. My left butt cheek was starting to kill me and running felt way better than hiking and walking. I thought about my friends Michael and Jake that I made last year at RRR. I missed them. I wondered if they were doing the race again this year. I caught up to a group at the last 2 miles of this section and decided to stay with them. I could tell I was starting to go to a dark place. Then we heard the glorious, heavenly ringing of the bell at Mount Werner. I could have kissed that bell ringer.

Mount Werner to Finish: This year I had plenty of clothes and light but I didn't need it at the start of my descent. I started down with a girl named Sharon. This was her first 50 mile, and we needed each other to finish. We were both running down the mountain fairly well. The thing that propelled us was our conversation and each other's company. Your family can take the gondola up the ski mountain and meet you at mile 46. My aunts, mom, and John were all there cheering. They had been singing songs from The Sound of Music and playing cards--you know, what my family does best: show tunes, cards, and laughing. We didn't know what kind of condition I would be in when I met them so we'd planned on all going down together. Since running felt better than walking (left butt cheek probs), I had to keep running. John joined Sharon and me which we were a million times thankful for. John is the most wonderful talker in situations where you just want to listen and let someone else talk. As we zig zagged down the switchbacks, we could hear my mom and aunts giggling above us. John, Sharon, and I crossed the finish line together. We even had kick enough left for a faster run to the finish line. I will be ever thankful to Sharon and her companionship down the mountain. That's why I do this race. I've done road races and triathlons all over the country, but never have I ever experienced anything like I've felt when I've finished this race--be it last year when our group vowed not to let anyone finish last or this year when Sharon and I hugged and knew we'd helped one another finish something that 99.9% of people will never even dream of starting. I love Run Rabbit Run. Last year I finished in 15 hours and 31 minutes. This year I finished in 14 hours and 13 minutes.

On our way home back to Omaha from Steamboat, John and I signed up for a 50K in southeastern Nebraska. I can't even tell you how excited I am for us to take this on together. Hopefully this will be the final finger tap he needs to sign up for Run Rabbit Run next year. I know I'll be there again. It seems I agree with Molly and Cade that this day is the greatest day of the year, yes, better than Thanksgiving.

Hugs and lots of love. My next short story is coming out this month! Stay tuned!

Squad

 

Rabbit Ears. I touched that rock!

 

 

Tomorrow I'm going to take on the Steamboat Springs, Colorado Run Rabbit Run 50 mile run again. I did it last year, as some of you may remember. I'm going to post below what I wrote last year. After reading it, you'll probably question my sanity--not why I signed up last year, but why I would ever do it again after hitting the bottom like I did. However, going to your absolute lowest, really, truly tells you that you can do anything. I know this now. This year I feel more confident. I know what to expect and I trained better. Last year I had done a half Ironman 6 weeks before Run Rabbit and that was not enough time to get fully in the swing of 50 mile trail running. Here is the link to track me tomorrow (Saturday, September 19), if you are interested. You can search my name (Erin Gesell) or bib number 1078.

Here is what I wrote last year. I'm not reading it today. Maybe tomorrow night.

I recently did one of the coolest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Cooler than living in Peru, cooler than getting my masters, almost as cool as getting my dog. I ran and finished a 50 mile race in Steamboat Springs Colorado. My friends Molly and Cade have done this race the last 4 years and they told me it is the greatest day of the year, yes, they assured me, even better than Thanksgiving. And they did not disappoint. I’ve never experienced anything like this before. I’ve always loved racing, but in other races, everyone is concerned with their own things—watching their times and listening to their music, however, I didn’t listen to my music for 15 hours. I just hung out with the other runners. There were checkpoints about every 6 miles, so I’ll break down the race by section.

Start to Mt. Werner    So the first 6.4 miles is all uphill. You start at the base of the ski mountain and climb roughly 4,000 feet. This section took me about 1:50 which I was pleased with. I hiked with some men from Lincoln and then with a woman from CO. I was already dreading coming down this section, however. It wasn't too steep, it was just constant uphill switch backs. No flats. Period. 

Mt. Werner to Long Lake     This section is the longest section of the course. Single track through really cool forest area. This section is kind of rolling but mostly downhill. I ran almost all of this but had to stop for twigs or rocks in my shoes a couple of times. It was very pleasant. Ran with the Lincoln guys again for a while and a very cute old man. However, I knew this section would be tough going back because it was so long (6.8 miles). My body felt good, but my left arch was giving me trouble.

Long Lake to Base Camp     I feel that I spent wayyyy too long at the aid stations, especially on the way out--think, I had them refill my camelback, tailwind bottle, ate, and grabbed nutrition for the road. Even if you only take 5 minutes at each aid station, that's 40 minutes added to your time. Not smart. Any way, I met Cade at this aid station and he and I ran together until we caught up to Molly. This section was nice. Single track through meadows, some river and stream crossings that were a little muddy and could have been very wet if you fell. Since we caught up to Molly (she took an hour early start), we went at her pace--no use killing ourselves on the way out and it was more fun together. There were some very steep, muddy climbs I was worried about for the way back, but this part was fun because we were together. At Base Camp we could access our drop bags and Molly had a ball for me to roll out my left arch with and it was much better. I felt good to go.

Base Camp to Dumont      This section was tough for me. I ran most of it but was dealing with GI issues. I couldn't eat or drink anything. I pooed in the woods but it didn't help until much later. 

Dumont to Rabbit Ears to Dumont      By this time we are so high in elevation that we are above the tree line. This section was mostly desserty. It was hot. You had to trek up the Rabbit Ears (a rock formation). So steep. So, so steep. You had to touch the stupid rock. I fell after touching Rabbit Ears and slid down on my butt for a ways. There was a man who collapsed when I was coming down and they had to call an ambulance. I kicked a rock up and it bounced off one ankle scratching it, but, like, rolled across my left arch and that was horridly painful. Like so painful I almost puked. I didn't see Molly at all as I was coming back so I knew she probably had to drop. When I got back to Dumont she was there and she helped make me drink a sprite to get calories in and packed me some pretzels--the only thing I thought my body might handle. 

Dumont to Base Camp   I ran most of this, but I was alone. It was not too bad. I was feeling better.

Base Camp to Long Lake     I made a huge, huge mistake here. It was still warm out so I didn't get my jacket from my drop bag. Terrible mistake. I ran most of this ways with a guy who kept telling me I was crazy for this being my first 50 because it's the hardest he's done. At least I wasn't alone though. This section seemed very long compared to the first time I did it, probably because the first time I was with Molly and Cade. I ran most of this, hiking the uphills. I could finally eat more than pretzels when I got to Long Lake.

Long Lake to Mt. Werner     This is where things got bad. I tried to run the downhills and the flats but the back of my knees were sore making the downhills awful. This area is much more wooded and it was getting cool. My mom planned to meet me at the Mt. Werner check in and hike down the mountain with me so I just kept telling myself that I would see her soon and it would all be OK. I was alone this whole section. We had to weave from the east side of the mountain to the west side so it was starting to get dark. I was scared. Sometimes I hoped that when I got to Mt. Werner they would tell me I missed the cut off and drive me home. 

Mt. Werner to finish     The only thing that got me to Mt. Werner was knowing that my mom would be there with a jacket and flashlight. I knew we'd make it down. Then I got there and she wasn't there. I started to hyperventilate, then pulled it in and called her. She'd sent me a text that she was at the Mt. Werner check point, but when I called, she said that they wouldn't let them go all the way up to the check point so she was 2 miles down. I started to cry again and said I didn't think I could make it 2 miles. I was so cold. I hung up and realized I had no choice but to go down. She had my coat. The aid station people got me hot chocolate and I started moving. I started running down. It was 7:30. I knew I had to get to my mom before the sun went down. There were people behind me but I didn't know if they made it to the check point in time for cutoff. I saw 2 lights bobbing a switchback ahead of me so I ran to them. At first I thought I'd keep running but I was so happy to be with other people that I stopped and walked with them. I called my mom and told her I was coming and was in much better spirits. We met my mom and I got a jacket and a flashlight and told my mom I'd keep going with my buddies. We had fun talking running and dogs and Game of Thrones and decided to finish together no matter what. Because of my break down, my mom and Molly had been in constant contact. Molly hiked back up the mountain to meet me. She met us with at 2 miles to go and came back down with us. I was very happy, but so freaking incredibly tired of going downhill. It was sucky. But I wasn't alone. We jogged the last 100 yards and walked up the 5 steps to the finish line together as a team. Finishing like that was incredibly special. 

Hey, all! Another piece of adult short fiction I wrote was published last week by The Riding Light Review. Check it out here.

It's happened. I've had another birthday. When you get to be old balls, they come faster and faster. I thought I was going to write about something today, but then I saw this video on Facebook and couldn't not share it.

Check it out:
https://www.facebook.com/Plaizir/videos/954714707900386/

I think it's important to remind ourselves to simply Be. To remind ourselves that we're human beings and we can't do it all. To remind ourselves to take time to slow down and savor the moment rather than spend our moments thinking about what is next. To remind ourselves to take the time to be kind to one another. Because that, fully experiencing the moments of our lives and spending those moments with each other, that is what being alive really is. I hope when we are old we can all look back and know that we lived.

Hugs.

The last 6 weeks have been crazy for my writing!

1. My short story "Good Boy" (adult fiction) was accepted and published by The Magnolia Review (Link)

2. My flash fiction piece "Living" was accepted by Riding Light Review in just over an hour of sending it to the editor! This journal is available for purchase via Amazon and I'll send the link when it comes out.

3. For Books' Sake (literary journal) posted a call for submissions for pieces of Young Adult literature with strong female characters. In a month I wrote a spin off story of the novel I hope to write next about Branko and they accepted if for publication! I'm so incredibly excited. Young Adult is my dream genre. Link to come!!

I don't want to say I never thought I'd see my name in print on a book, however, I would have written all of my life and probably been OK never being published. Writing is my dream, my passion, my thing. I'm not the best. I'm not going to win any awards. But for real. Erin Darby Gesell is an author's name now. It's out there in the world and people are reading my thoughts and words. I guess, what I am saying is, whatever your thing is, do it for you. People will notice. It might take a long time, but if you do you, it'll never be time wasted. 

Hugs. 

Next time instead of counting sheep before you go to bed, count all the things you love about yourself:

I love my freckles, my muscles, my laugh, the color of my eyes. I love my ability to run and write and never give up when it’s hard or when I get rejected. I love my passion to fight for what is right. I love the way I use my voice for what I believe and that my strongest strength is compassion.

If that doesn’t work, count all the things you are thankful for:

Sunshine and animals. Water and trees. My family. My friends. Yadi and yoga. Running and my bike. Good food, chocolate, and cake. Pillows and my bed. Having a job I love and a place to call home. Hot showers and rainy nights. Good music, good books, and laughter.

You can probably go on forever. Eventually you’ll fall asleep and wake up more in love with yourself and more thankful for everything you have. That’s worth more than sheep. <3

My first short story was published by The Magnolia Review today! You can check it out online here. Please know that this story is for a age 15+ audience.
I'm pretty pumped. This is a big day for me! My next piece of flash fiction will be published in the upcoming weeks by Riding Light Review. Look for a link soon.

When I went to AWP (American Writers and Writing Programs’ annual conference) this spring, I met a writer from small town Nebraska writing about small town Nebraska. Her book The Sky Always Hears Me and the Hills Don’t Mind is worth a read if you’re into Young Adult literature fo sho. I’ve attached my review of it below—see if it’s something you might like! What the author, Kirstin Cronn-Mills does with her protagonist in this story is something I love. She gives her main character a thing, a quirk, a little oddity. Morgan’s quirk is that she writes fortunes and leaves them all over her house, outside at her school, at the grocery store where she works, anywhere.

Management changed this week in my job that I very much love, and I’m anxious to see what happens now—if things will go on and the job I’ve worked to build can continue or if my manager will want to bring in change. At the same time, my boyfriend’s organization is talking change as well.

I’ve kind of taken for granted that my job was a certainty. I never thought it would change before I was ready to switch careers. This week I’ve been thinking of my own fortune, words of wisdom, and this is what I’ve come up with:

While the things we feel we can count on most in life aren’t always the most exciting, rejoice in and love the things we have that are certain, because in this great life of ours, most of the world is precariously unreliable.

I wanted to just post my fortune, but I’m terribly long winded so you get all us this. And check out Kirstin’s book! Here’s my review:

Very sweet and honest. Morgan is a fantastic main character that readers can relate to. The author puts readers so close to Morgan that we feel everything with her--the confusion, embarrassment, anger, fear--this is a great feat as most of us don't know how it feels to be kissed by a girl in hick town, Nebraska. Cronn-Mills asks her readers to examine what they believe and think about how honest they really are with themselves. I truly enjoyed this book. Via: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6444812-the-sky-always-hears-me?ac=1