I put my gloves on for my run this morning and while trying to zip my keys into my armband, my fingers slipped and I punched myself in the face, giving myself a fat lip. I then spent my whole 10 mile run trying to think of a cool story to accompany a fat lip that is better than hitting myself in the face. When asked what the better story was this was my response:
Idk. Punching myself in the face is kind of funny. Otherwise the story would be this: (you must first know the backstory that I find random cutlery all over the place and now have a collection) Around mile 6, I found a fork (true) and was carrying it with me to add to my collection. I was making my way around the river and ConAgra's campus because I like to pop over there every once in a while to see if I can think of anything awful I can make my bootcampers do (also true). There are always evil water fowl about (true again) and one foul fowl attacked me. Hissing and feathers flying, he came at me with his beak/bill/mouth-whatever-thing chomping at my face. I waved my fork and stabbed at the duck/goose thing but it got in one good kick to my kisser. Fat lip.

Don Danny, my gym buddy, brought in the most adorable sugar cookies today. Yes, that is a sugar cookie as big as my face decorated like a face. Adorable. Anyway I wanted one but not a whole one but couldn't cut one because they were so cute so my friend Mark said, "Oh, just take a whole one home and save it for later." I figured, eh, he's right, it'll be fine. I started walking home and my cookie almost blew out of my hand so I figured I'd better try a bite in case something happens to it-so much for willpower, right? The bite was wonderful, of course. And I'm walking, walking. All I can think about is how I should should save the cookie for later, but maybe one more bite is ok-once again, no willpower. I go to take another bite and wham! I get splatter in mud and dirty street water from some jerk driving 2 blocks from home. Not one other car sprayed a drip on me the whole walk. There is a special place in hell reserved for those who ruin other people's food. Especially dessert. When he got splashed, there was dirty water under his eyes like he was crying.

So here we are, the end of January. To keep with my New Year's resolution I did the following new things/things for myself:
Week 1: On New Year's day I tried Just Dance on the Wii for the first time. Rocked it. (Meaning I looked like Napoleon Dynamite but had a blasty blast). I also found a sub for one of my weekend morning classes just to go to Lincoln and have fun on a Saturday night--the first time I've taken off work just for fun.
Week 2: I told someone exactly what I think. It was stressful and terrifying, however, I did it. A two paragraph email took me almost an hour to write, but I did it. When I ask someone their opinion, I want them to be completely honest with me. I should not be afraid to do the same, even if 100% honesty is a little harsh. Or a lot harsh. And I got a fish.
Week 3: My first fish died. I got a second fish because the first one died in the 2 week grace period so the second one was free. I decided to start guarding my day off. Friday is usually my day off and I'm supposed to have every other Sunday off, however, I've been subbing a lot at the gym. I committed myself this week to protecting at least one day each week where I have no work-related commitments. Unrelated to resolutions, but I also got frostbite on my right ear.
Week 4: I thought my second fish died. He was lying at the bottom of the tank in the same spot for two days. I went to scoop him out and flush him and he swam away. After two days. A miracle. Another miracle, the frostbite is beginning to go away. I decided to attempt to kick my hot chocolate habit (I have a disgusting addiction to hot chocolate in the winter because I'm freezing all the time.) So this week I'm trying chai tea. Something new.