Have you ever watched a chick flick and thought, there's no way that would ever happen to me? I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but it probably never will. Because chick flicks aren't real life. When I was in junior high health class the teacher used to talk about how chick flicks and chick lit were basically like a female version of porn--that these things were as unrealistic as the women and situations that were in adult movies and Playboy. I wouldn't go that far, but I'd definitely agree that they make us want things that are usually a long shot. We want the bad boy to love us enough to become "good". We want the guy who always, always knows the right thing to say. We want Prince Charming. We want the captain of the football team to fall for the girl with braces and acne. But how often do those things happen?
     I'm dating a guy who loves chick flicks. I could've guessed this before we ever started dating. At first this made me roll my eyes. He's not romantic. He's definitely a realist, but clearly, I'm so much more worldly and immune to the poor message chick flicks are sending to women like me. Right? Wrong. At then end of my eye roll, I realized I do the same thing with words. I love love songs. Love them. I went to see OneRepublic last week and, seriously, every song just made me weak in the knees. I've said so many times that my dream would be to have someone love me so much that they could put it into a song. Delusional. About as dumb as a 100 year old vampire falling in love with a 17 year old girl.
     Since the chances of Ryan Tedder falling in love with me are about as likely as me entering the magical world of Narnia, I've been trying to look more for the beautiful ways we show each other that we love one another in the real world this week. Love is moving across the country with your fiancee and jumping off into the unknown together. It's a big kiss after achieving something amazing. It's knowing what annoys the crap out of your partner and making them laugh before they freak out.
     In writing, stories have to be dramatic. They have to have huge stakes to keep you reading. It'd be cool to have someone be able to put their love into words for me. But it's way better having someone know I need lots of hugs and that I like to have every hour of the day planned out and not mind me being half of the time. That's real life. Don't waste your time dreaming of Prince Charming or the bad boy turned good. Dream of the one you aren't afraid to dance in front of or sing at the top of your lungs with. Dream of the one who will love you so much you start to love the braces and acne or love handles or weird bangs or whatever it is you have trouble loving about yourself.

     I competed in my first Half Ironman yesterday in Chisago Lake, Minnesota. It was wavy, awesome, seaweedy, long, epic, butt hurting, so much smiling, rainy, windy, happy, amazing, fun. Clearly just a mother load of emotions.
     Anyone who races can probably relate to the mindset of a race. You're pumped to sign up. Then you wonder why you paid to do something you could do for free at home. Sometimes you have a bad training day and you get scared. Then you have a great training day and you're pumped again. The night before the race you set your alarm and it kills you that you're not getting enough sleep. Then you lay in bed and everything washes over you, excitement, fear, tiredness, everything. The morning of the race my boyfriend, John, and I walked to transition and I told him maybe after this race I'd retire from triathlons and next year I'd just watch him with my dog (that I have yet to acquire). I was only half serious. But still a half.
     The waves of emotions don't stop the whole way through the race. I hated the swim. It was 1.2 miles of poor swimming. But, really, it wasn't the choppy water or the seaweed as thick as ropes that stuck to my arms and goggles, I just didn't feel strong and I didn't like that. I set a "I better not be slower than this time" goal and a real goal. I hit my "I better not be slower than this time", so it could've been worse.
     The first 20 of the 56 mile bike ride was amazeballs. I felt very speedy. The route was well protected from the wind and the sky was overcast. I was flying. Then the trees thinned out and the wind hit and the clouds broke loose with rain. I began counting down the miles by singing 36 miles to go on the bike 36 miles to go, take one down, pound it to the ground, only 35 miles to go on this freaking bike. Every mile. My butt hurt. It might be chaffed.
     I was only one minute off of my real goal for my bike. I did it in 3:01. Even in the wind and rain and singing my stupid song. I got off the bike and thanked the triathlon gods that was over.
     I didn't set a goal for the run because I know what I can run a half marathon in and didn't want to psych myself out for that. But I was soooo happy to get to the run. I felt good. Started passing people. Making moves. I felt so good. I talked to every person I saw. "Looking good!" "Great job!" "Keep it up!" Cheesy but it was fun and passed the time with no music. After 4 miles I started thinking I could easily be under six hours for the race. At 6.5 miles (the half way mark) I was jamming to music in my head and still cheesing to people and I realized I could be under 5:45.
     I finished the race in 5:37 with a 1:47 half marathon. I was pumped. I felt like I could run for days. Moments before, on the bike, I was wondering how I'd ever run. But my legs never stopped moving and my smile never left my face.
     I did an Olympic distance tri a few weeks ago. This is the distance I normally do (1.5K swim, 40K bike, 10K run). I hit a personal best in that race and the only thing that got me to the finish was knowing that once I got to the end I could pee, eat Mexican food, and that John was waiting for me. I thought those three things, plus the promise of a post race massage at the event and then a scheduled one on Tuesday and three days at the lake to recover this weekend, would be the things that got me through. But I didn't feel like I needed to bribe myself. Yesterday, I wanted to soak it all up, the good and the bad. I did it, just me, without talking myself into it. I did it.
     I'm still smiling. My butt hurts. And my mindset might be totally different my next race and I might have to bribe myself in all kinds of ways to finish. But today, yesterday, that was amazing. I feel like a rockstar and I'm smiling.

I'm not smiling in this picture. My mouth is
full of food. Go figure. 

                               

Hola, all! I'm late on my Monday blogging but I was sans internet yesterday. This is an excerpt from my Young Adult novel about Jaisa Jamison a high school senior cross country runner. This is pretty far into the novel but all you need to know to get this part is that it's homecoming and Jaisa went to the dance with her bff Lydia and Will (a college sophomore), Lydia's date (he sees this date as non-romatic, Lydia would like it to be romantic). Cooper, Will's younger brother, is a super hunk on the cross country team and Jaisa's Physics partner.

          We go to dinner at Applebee’s. Will drives. Lydia pays. I sit in the backseat and I order chicken fingers for dinner. I should’ve gotten crayons and a kids’ menu to color on too. When we get to the dance, we have to shuffle through the breathalyzer line to make sure no one is drunk before they enter the dance. What the cops and teachers should be doing is patting everyone down before they come in because half the boys have bottles tapped to their ankles to sneak pulls of during the dance.

            “Come along my ladies!” As soon as were passed the chaperones and police doing breathalyzers, Will grabs our hands and marches us straight into the gym and onto the dance floor. There are not near enough people here yet for me to dance. No way. I try to pull away but, “No, Miss Jaisa. If you’re my date, you will dance. I did not come back to high school to be a wall flower.”

            Lydia is already trying to grind with Will, slinking her arm around his neck, but he turns his hips toward me and tugs on my arm.

            “Aren’t you afraid you’ll get in trouble for grinding with two of your cross country students?” I yell to him over the music.

            “Nope.” He shifts a little to put more distance between his man parts and Lydia’s gyrating hips. His man parts that are not interested in her lady parts. “I cleared it with Coach Q. I told him I had nothing going on, Lydia asked and what better way for me to keep an eye on you both.”

            I look at Lydia to see if she hears this, but her eyes are closed and she’s singing loudly. Will is still trying to keep distance between them.

            “Come on.”

          I roll my eyes, shrug, and move in closer. The song switches to country and with a yee-haw! Will starts swinging both Lydia and me around like toy tops. He has no problem juggling two dance partners and soon I’m so out of breath from spinning and laughing that I need to go out for a drink of water. Will whips me around one last time and I keep twirling toward the door of the gym, away from the dance floor and run right into Cooper’s solid chest. His solid chest in a tight black sweater. The smile drops from my face and I back away apologizing, but he catches my hand softly and pulls me back toward him. He places my other hand on his shoulder and slides his arm around my waist. His hand is shaking and a little sweaty but his eyes stay locked on mine and we start to sway to the slow song. Couples press together around us but we maintain a good six-inch barrier. My heart is racing so fast I’m pretty sure the entire space between us is charged with its energy.

The slow song ends and a faster one comes on, but we stay exactly the way we are.

            “You look really beautiful.” His voice is deep and has the same nervous but deliberate quality of his hands that guide me around the dance floor but quiver ever so slightly.

            “Oh, yeah, Lydia does a good job,” I say and look down at his dress shoes next to my hot pink toes poking out of my wedges.

            “You never take a compliment, you know that?”

            “I can to!” My eyes fly back up to his. “I just. Well, she does do a good job. And it’s not like it’s me.”

            He’s laughing. I frown and my eyes narrow. My feet stop taking their little steps with his.

            “It is though. You’re pretty in shorts and a ponytail. You are pretty in jeans and a t-shirt. You are pretty in a toga, pretty in a dress. And of course you would shrug off a compliment but get defensive when someone calls you out on it.” He’s still laughing and I don’t know whether to agree with him, say thank you, or get annoyed.

            I decide to just shut up. Silence is golden right?

            When it’s clear I have no response for him. Cooper says, “You know I’m not mad, right? I was just giving you a hard time.”

            I nod and before I can think of something to say, I see Josie bouncing toward us through the crowd.        

            “There’s my date!” She shoves herself between us and grabs Cooper’s shoulders. “Woops! Sorry, Jaisa.”

            I back away and Cooper still holds me with his eyes. I break his stare and finally leave the gym for that drink of water. After the drinking fountain, I head to the bathroom. I don’t really have to go but I walk in and face one of the vanity mirrors. My hair is starting to frizz out a little with the humidity from the heat of the dancing bodies and my sweat. I touch my face and lean closer to the mirror. Yes, this is my face. Yes, this is my hand. I am Jaisa. I am here.

"I'm a real adult!" I've probably said this two dozen times in the last six months. I bought a house: I'm a real grownup now! I have only one full time job with insurance and no part time jobs: Holy cow, I'm officially a real person. I finished my Master's degree: I'm, like, a real adult. 

But I don't feel any different. Yes, I have debt for the first time. And a lawn to mow and I'm trying this whole garden thing and money comes out of my paycheck for insurance and grownup things. I have laundry and workouts and time with friends and family. But how does balancing it all now make it any difference than when I was in college or when I lived at home in high school? I still had to be a functioning human being then. 

In college I spent the first year in an intensive division of the Honors Program in which we discussed Maslow's Hierarchy of needs until I felt I could draw the ladder for you with my toes, blindfolded. 

Basically, we have certain needs that must be fulfilled before we grow toward a higher level of existence. The ultimate goal is to come to a place of self-actualization. This is a place where you are comfortable enough with your health (physiological needs), your safety (you have a home, job security, etc), your relationships, and yourself (you know your strengths) that you can lose your ego and be at peace with the world and your place in it (self-actualization).

So, take me. I have food, water. I bought a house and have job security. I have a wonderful supports system of family and friends. I have "mastered" my profession enough to have received a degree in it. But does all of this make me grown? 

Most of us will hang in that belonging or self-esteem stage. The stages where we still have ego. Where we still compare ourselves to others, judging them and ourselves. We all know people who have to be right, those who discount the beliefs of others and cannot let go of their sense of self long enough to see others from any perspective other than what they believe is right.  And, let's be honest. There are plenty of people older than me who do not have these things. Who will never make it to even Maslow's Safety. 

I may not know at what point we officially become "old." But I do think that our perspectives shift as we age. I was riding my bike home today--cruising, you know, like I'm real cool with my race bike, clips, aero bars, the whole shebang--while eating a sucker (unsafe, I know, but if I get run over, I doubt the sucker stick jabbed into my throat is the most of my worries) and there was a guy riding a low rider bike smoking. Grade school me would have said, "Oh. God. Seriously. I can't believe I have to inhale that secondhand smoke." High school me would have said, "Would you like me to help you quit smoking? Here are blah blah blah [too many facts on smoking hazards to list]." College me would have said, "Yes! You have a right to smoke! I may not partake, I actually think it's trashy, but you go do your thing and don't let anyone stop you." Twenty-something me of today thought, "Smoking while riding, that takes commitment. If he's enjoying his cigarette and ride as much as I'm enjoying this sucker and my ride then yeehaw. This must be the best version of himself." Maybe 30-something year old me will be cruising with a low rider and a cigarette in 10 years. Who knows? 

Anyway, I think that this dude may have shown me that I've matured. That I've come to release myself, slightly, from making my perspective being solely about me. Houses, degrees, jobs, perspective. Do those things make a person grown-up? Right now, who my ego is today, says no. I don't really think so. (Because I, obviously, know all the answers). Today I think the fun of it all is growing toward our places in the world and continuing to learn and change our perspectives. Today I say you can always teach an old dog new tricks. We're all human. No one is so right in their world view that they have no flaws. I guess my point is that to move forward each day is to grow and learn and become better at being you so much so that you are so good at being you that you can step outside of yourself and have compassion and understanding for everyone around you no matter how different you are. Even until you are 100 years old. 

Tomorrow however, someone could eat my lunch at work and I'll revert to cave-girl when my physiological needs aren't being met and I'll whack people over the head until I'm fed. Or maybe I'll go to yoga and in meditation I'll transcend my ego and decide the modern world is not for me and go become a hermit in the woods. Or maybe the hokey pokey really is what it's all about and I'm just full of crap. 

So I've taken a major hiatus from blogging. I suck.

Buuuuttt I did get my MFA! I am now a Master of the Fine Arts graduating from Antioch University Los Angeles. Below you can see my sweet gown with it's sleeves for stashing your phone while your graduation ceremony is 2 hours long and starts at the same time as the USA soccer match.

Mostly that is what I've been up to. However, I did recently do this #100happydays thing on Facebook so I can say that I've done a bazillion things that make me happy and it will help me do a photo recap of my recent adventures. 

My boyfriend, John, and I went to Chicago to watch my cousin Mike play hoops at Northwestern and we went to our first pro basketball game, mashed deep dish and cupcakes, and went to the Field Museum. 

I painted the inside of my house and finally
put up pictures

I looked at a lot of sloths online.

I became a Person of Walmart

I was not amused by a power outage. 

Nerdnation also took over the lake
  
We won Bruno Mars tickets at a charity event. It was amazing.

I taught the next generation of my family the
value of church bling. (Long service--candy
jewelry. Classy and tasty)

USA soccer, das boot, friends, family,
and boobie smooshes for all. 

I ate a lot of froyo and other good food.

My family came to LA and we road a tandem bike on
the beach and earned ourselves serious roller coaster hair

And the 3 silly girls taught Matt Nathanson
to boobie smoosh. We've only been in love
with him since 2008. 

My plan is to be blogging on Mondays. So see you next week. 

When I teach class I constantly say "Oh! This is one of my most favorite songs of all time!" So constantly that everyone in my class started making fun of me saying that every song was my favorite of all time. So I decided to make a list. But then I got really nervous because I feel a person's favorite music says a lot about them. And all of my music is tied to some special memory or person or feeling it's kind of scary to write about. They say that scent is the sense most attached to memory, but I think words are more so for me. I can remember the songs playing and conversations had years ago and I'll always attach songs to the people and memories I most love.  I took the history of rock and pop and I've always felt I have a wide range of music love, but I'm kind of surprised at my top songs and how varied they are.

1. Beast of Burden by the Rolling Stones--I can't even explain this one. I just love it. I have no idea why it is my favorite song. It just makes me calm and happy.

2. How to Be Dead by Snow Patrol--I can tell you why this one. Snow Patrol is one of the greatest bands of all time. Of. All. Time. My top 10 would probably have 3 Snow Patrol songs but I'm limiting it to my favorite. I've seen them play twice and I would pay any amount of money to see them again. The second time I saw them, they didn't even play this song, my favorite, but I still just melted. Their songs are ones you feel throughout your whole body and soul. You can relate to all of it. If you only listen to one song when you are down, though, it should be "This Isn't Everything You Are" by Snow Patrol. No joke. Please, please if you take nothing else from this list, listen to this song. Also I'm in love with Gary Lightbody--want to know why T. Swift's Red album did so well--Gary Lightbody's lyrical magic. In "It's Beginning to Get to Me" Gary sings "You are the only thing that makes sense/Just ignore all this present tense." How is there anything more true that lines like that? If I could only listen to one band for the rest of my life, it would be Snow Patrol.

3. Crash into Me by Dave Matthews Band--Oh, Dave. Oh, Dave. I'm also in love with Dave. But I think he's doing a lot of drugs. He's probably, in my opinion, the greatest writer of songs-that-make-me-swoon of all time (this song, "So Damn Lucky" "You and Me", "Up and Away," "Satellite," "Dreamgirl") but I'd imagine he's a terrible partner. I could also probably have 3 Dave Matthews songs in a top 10 list.

4. Yellow by Coldplay--You know a good song when it hits you right in the heart. This song starts out so sweet, mellow and perfect and then makes you want to beat your hands to the rhythm on your steering wheel. And who doesn't want the stars to shine for them?

5. Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down--This song pumps me up like nothing else.

6. Come Together by The Beatles--"One thing I can tell you is you got to be free" Duh. I love The Beatles. I don't know how you couldn't. One of my best memories of high school will always be swinging late at night at my grade school (I lived across the street) with my great friend Davina and singing Beatles songs. We also sang duets to the Moulin Rouge soundtrack. I could probably have a top 10 list of musical songs. And a top 10 list of duets.

7. Iris by The GooGoo Dolls--VH1 used to have a top video countdown on at 11am during summer vacation. I assume it was on during the week in the school year as well, however, I was obviously in school at that time. One summer they had the regular top 20 countdown and then they had the top 20 videos from movie soundtracks. This song and Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" which you'll see farther down the list, were on it and I could not get enough of this song. It was the same songs every single day all summer long because there must not have been that many great movie songs, but this song just gives me goosebumps. I got to see the GooGoo Dolls live this summer for my birthday. I cried.

8. Push by Matchbox 20--I love this song. I don't even like Matchbox 20. I saw them in concert (Alanis Morissette opened for them she was worth every penny. That chick rocks.) and it was only to see this one song. Which, of course, was the encore song.

9. Any Man of Mine by Shania Twain--Ok my guilty pleasure=Shania Twain or as my family calls her, Twana Shane. I love her. It's on my bucket list to sing Shania karaoke. I can't sing but I will know all the words and I will sing my lungs out. My very first cassette tape was Shania Twain and my neighbor friends and I would dance and sing and put on shows in my basement to her. She probably helped teach me how to be a woman. My family hates country and I got so much crap for loving Twana, but damn, that girl has it.

10. Building a Mystery by Sarah McLachlan--This song is similar to me to "Yellow."It just starts and she eases you into it and it's a little weird--vampires, voodoo dolls--but then you're like, OK, yeah, I dig it, we're building a mystery. And it's creepy ghosts, night, dark side, "woke up screaming aloud". But it builds and you want to sing it loud and it gets you going. And it's just perfect. Because we all have our ghosts. But we all want mystery. And we're all f-ed up, but isn't it perfect to be in someone's arms?

11. Drops of Jupiter by Train--I love Train. This song makes me think of summers with my aunts and cousins. My cousin Sydney and bff Codie saw Train two summers ago and it was perfect. Someone got engaged, they had a wedding on stage, and we saw shooting stars. I love Train. They have so much variety. And who wouldn't want someone to write a song about them like this? It's about exploring and finding yourself and having the confidence to go and do that and in this song, the girl he is singing about is lucky enough to have someone who loves her enough to let her go and loves her when she comes back. I wanted to add "The Way" by Fastball to this list because it also really makes me think of my family (I feel like maybe my aunt Patty had both of these jams on a cd or something). I was fairly certain one morning my cousins and I would wake up and find nothing but empty wine bottles because "They drank up the wine/and they started talking...they left before the sun came up that day...Their children woke up/and they couldn't find them..." I'm still not sure that might not happen.

12. The Feel Good Drag by Anberlin--Another good pump up song. It makes me want to let go. Happy or sad just let it all go.

13.Some Might Say by Oasis--Oasis is another band that I feel can do no wrong. I like this song because it's silly and it makes me feel good. I would also like to add "Live Forever," "Slide Away," "Stand by Me,"Magic Pie," "She's Electric," "Cast No Shadow," and, of course "Wonderwall" and "Champagne Supernova"

14. Secret Smile by Semisonic--If you're noticing a trend of late 90's, early 00's love songs, you are correct. Because I want someone to have a secret smile that they use only for me. Or someone to notice that I have a secret smile only for them. I also really heart Semisonic--"DND," "FNT" (10 Things I Hate About You!!!! Love love love!!), "Never You Mind," "Singing in my Sleep"

15. Smooth Criminal by Michael Jackson--My earliest memories are singing and dancing with my mom. I loved Michael's song "Will You Be There" that was on Free Willy. I used to rewind and rewind the end of the movie and my mom and I would dance all around the living room. This was also a time when there were rumors starting to surface about Michael Jackson and I remember being kind of embarrassed for loving him and his music. I was five. I didn't understand what was being said about Michael, but I could not deny what his song meant to me and how it made me need to dance. And my mom just spun me and spun me around probably a billion times. Anyway I know this has nothing to do with Smooth Criminal--but Smooth Criminal is my favorite Michael song. "Man in the Mirror" is one of the greatest songs ever. As is "Black or White" and "Dirty Diana" and all Michael. My mom's first concert was the Jackson Five. I can't even imagine. My cousin Philip does a mean "ABC." I have the best family. And I have great memories driving home to the lake with Jenny G and Nate Dawg to Michael's greatest hits.

16. Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen--My mom and I can't road trip without this song. We also have to head bang even if we are on the highway, in traffic, in public, any and all of it. I also might head bang to it when I play it in class. Just saying. I think I posted a video many months ago of a Canadian man who got arrested for public intoxication and he sang this entire song in the back of a cop car. That would be me.

17. Your Song by Elton John--If Elton weren't 40 years older than me and gay, he and I would be in love. I mean, this is MY song! My mom and Codie and his mom and I saw Elton a few years ago. We paid over 100 bucks to sit in the nose bleeds but it was epic. Elton played for 3 hours straight. It was just amazing. There's something really, really special about seeing someone play songs that you've grown up with and know every word to every song.

18. Do You Remember by Jack Johnson--I want someone to lock their bike to mine. And someone to love me for over 10 years and feel like love is locked in time.

19. Of Angels and Angles by The Decembrists--This song just touches my heart. It's so short and seems so simple but it hits me right where it matters. Aren't those the best things in life--the sweet and simple but oh-so beautiful?

20. Danny's Song by Loggins and Messina--I don't know how to put into words my love of this song. The whole tape--yes, tape--that this song is on is everything to me. "House on Pooh Corner," "Your Mama Don't Dance," "Thinking of You"--if "House on Pooh Corner" pops up on my iPod and I haven't talked to my mom for a couple of days, I'll cry. In a good way. My mom would play this album while we got dinner ready together. This song, I think, is my earliest memory. This and Raffi haha.

21. Say My Name by Destiny's Child--Does this one even need an explanation? I think not. This is my friend Jenny's and my go-to Jukebox song. Aways. I used to dream of being in Destiny's Child. It was all I wanted. That and a horse.

22. No Scubs by TLC--Because we all need to be reminded how a woman should be treated. I also think this one needs no explanation and I have no shame. When I made this list I thought, what are the songs that make me happiest? Oh, yes, TLC all day.

23. Sooner or Later by Breaking Benjamin--This song gets me pumped up. I love it. However, my first real concert was supposed to be Breaking Benjamin, well, for me it was Breaking Benjamin, who I love, love, love, but they were opening for Nickelback who I do not love, love, love or even like (note only one like). But I was going with my high school boyfriend and our friends and we were traveling from Norfolk to Omaha so we had to go shopping since we were going to be in "the city". So weeee, we went shopping. Then we were late to the concert. So late we missed all of Breaking Benjamin, the band I bought the tickets to see, but their last song. This was their last song. So it was epic. I love this song.

24. Better Man by Pearl Jam--Pearl Jam is glorious. And this song is the definition of a solid few years of my life. But it's a beautiful song.

25. You Oughta Know by Alanis Morissette--As mentioned above, Alanis freaking rocks my socks. She's so great. This song makes a girl feel so damn good. Singing it loud and not caring about anything is the only way to experience it.

26. Into the Ocean by Blue October--I like some Blue October songs. But this one really makes me happy. I like to to workout, I like it when I'm sad, I like it when I'm happy. It's just a perfect all mood song. And sometimes you do need to jump off the bow just to prove that you know how.

27. Something I Need by OneRepublic--This is a really new song compared to all the rest of these. However, I do think I love it and need it in my life. I feel I might be changed by it like the rest of these have changed me. I described it to a friend as a lyrical dream of word perfection. The concept is spot on. The rhythm of the words is perfect. As a writer this song makes my heart race with love, envy, and happiness all at the same time. And that last line. God. The last line. My soul. My heart. My everything.

28. Middle Finger by Cobra Starship with Mac Miller--Another guilty pleasure. I have no idea who this guy is or where this song came from. I just love it.

29. The Good Left Undone by Rise Against--This song is my song for so many people that I love and that love me back. "All because of you/I believe in angels/Not the kind with wings/No, not the kind with halos/The kind that bring you home/When home becomes a strange place/I'll follow your voice/All you have to do is shout out." I love Rise Against. So very much.

30. American Pie by Don McLean--My dad and I used to jam to this song. It seems like every time we were in the car together it was on the radio. We listened to a lot of oldies, my dad and me. I loved the soundtrack to the movie Good Morning Vietnam. I'd actually really like to buy that album.

31. All These Things That I've Done by The Killers--"I've got soul but I'm not a soldier." This song is epic. Listen to it and tell me you don't feel like tackling a monstrous hill while your running or cycling.

32. Poker Face by Lady GaGa--who doesn't love this song. Boys, girls, young, old, it just makes you want to move.

33. Jeremiah Was a Bullfrog by Creedence Clearwater--Another song my parents introduced me to that will always stick with me. I've known all the words to this song for as long as I can remember but I don't think I actually got what the song was about until downloaded it to my iPod in high school. There is so much good music my parents had me listening too! I can't even get over it. Oh, it all makes my heart sing.

34. When the Stars Go Blue by Ryan Adams--My cousin Liza and her husband Chad got married almost 10 years ago now and this song they gave us all a CD of their favorite songs to listen to while they cooked together at night. I think that's really cool. This song was on that CD and I thank Liza and Chad very much for giving me this gift of music.

I know this is a weird numbered and just plain oddly collected list. But this is me. Happy listening.

Things I've wondered lately:

1. Why don't Snuggies (yes, I have a Snuggie) have pockets? And why don't they have zippers so I can walk around and not have it falling off me? Or did I just get a bad Snuggie?
2. Why is the Women's restroom always the farthest away. Men are like camels. They never have to pee.
3. Why do people say "you can't have your cake and eat it too"? What is the point of having cake and not eating it? I mean, if it's not buttercream frosting, I understand not eating it, but if it is, why wouldn't you eat the cake!?
4. And the ever important, what is the meaning of life?