Haters are gonna hate.

We've all heard that line so many times that it's easy to dismiss. However, we all know someone who lives on drama, someone who can't be pleased, someone who has to be right all the time, someone who judges everyone he/she walks passed. When we are the observer of this kind of hater behavior, it's easy to say, well she's a Drama Queen--her life is so boring that she has to pick at the littlest things and blow them out of proportion. It's easy to say, well, he's a hardass. Nothing is good enough for him so why bother.

But it's not easy to be the recipient of that behavior. It's not easy to bust your butt every day for a coach that, rather than seeing the 20 free throws you made in a row, hounds you for the layup you missed. It's not easy to be friends with someone who gives backhanded compliments like "you are so pretty, but it's too bad your acne takes away from that." Seriously. People are assholes.

I'd love to tell you to hold your head high and your middle finger higher and give a big f-you to the haters. While I'd totally support you if you did that, I know that is not the easy or classiest way to deal with haters. I'd love to tell you kill them with kindness, because if you repeatedly ooze with niceness, there's no way that someone could feel comfortable always being a jerk. However, as stated above, people are assholes, so that might not be a viable option either.

My best piece of advice when dealing with haters is this process:
1. Ask yourself if this person's comment/action is something that is mean (intentionally or unintentionally) or is it actually productive criticism.
2. If it's mean, move to 2A. If it's actually the hard truth that you needed to hear, but didn't want to hear, move on to 2B.
     2A. Take a moment before reacting to this mean comment. This is hard. Probably the hardest part of the whole process. Think about what part of you, physically or emotionally is being attack. Move to 3.
     2B. Thank the person you are talking with for having the hard conversation with you. Brainstorm ways to move forward with the criticism you received.
3. If this is something you can correct with kindness: if my friend says wow, I love your jeans, they really make your butt look smaller. Instead of being pissed she called my butt fat, I could say, "thanks, Stacy. Your hair looks great today" and hope that, eventually, she gets sick of sounding like a jerk when I come off sounding kind. If this is something you cannot correct with kindness, move on to step 4.
4. This is when it gets real. These are usually the worst hater attacks. These are the things we can't brush off as easily. Example: Someone tells me, "Erin, you would be a much better person if you spent less time running and more time praying." Or "Erin, there's no way you can support gay rights and not go to hell." These things don't brush off easily, because they are me. I run because it's my religion and I feel it makes me a better person. I do support and love every person, no matter who they are/what they believe/who they love/where they come from. To these haters, my best advice is to say, "take me for who I am, or leave me. Love me like I love you, treat me how you want to be treated, or buzz off and mind your own business."

We are all different because our differences are what make us interesting. Our differences are what help us challenge one another and help each other grow. Love who you are, be proud of who you are, and if anyone tells you differently, take a moment to remind yourself that haters are gonna hate. Then tell all the haters, if they don't have anything nice to say to you, don't bother saying anything at all. You are better than their drama, their judgment, their meanness. Nobody's got time for haters.