We all know I love lists. There's a good chance I'm turning into Jerry Seinfeld because this is a list of things that turn me off to guys (and probably all other girls too). Additionally, it's been brought to my attention that I may hang out with douchebags.

Rules for dating girls, a short list leaving out many obvious things:
          1. Don't invite your buddies. It's enough pressure to impress you. Girls have no desire to deal with your friends until, at the earliest, the 4th date.
          2.  There's no way in hell I'm going somewhere private until probably at least the 4th date. I want to be in public where people can hear me scream. I probably don't trust you. (I assume this applies to most girls).
          3. Don't talk about ex girlfriends or girls you think are hot. Ever.
          4. Don't complain about politics, work, etc, until a girl knows you. Otherwise she'll forever assume you are a Debbie Downer.
          5. Make sure she knows it's a date. Don't be wishy-washy. I want to know I'm being dated. I have a lot of guy friends. If you don't ask, pick me up and pay (if applicable), I'm definitely going to assume it was not a date.
          6. Ask. Ask. Ask. I tell people what to do all day long. If you want to see me, impress me by making plans (plans that don't violate these rules). While most girls believe in gender equality, we still don't want to be the ones to make the moves.
         7. Don't pat a girl on the shoulder.
         8. Especially don't pat her on the shoulder if the last time you saw her you kissed her and then never talked to her again.
         9. At the end of the night don't fist bump my arm. Next time I will punch you.
        10. Don't tell a girl you guys are friends so she lets her guard down and then ask her out. That is lying and cheating and she will feel betrayed.
        11. Woo her.
        12. Know what wooing is (watch Friends).
        13. Don't chew with your mouth open.
        14. If you hate Mexican food, it's not going to work--for this girl.
        15. I can probably kick your ass. Please don't let that intimidate you.
        16. Don't insult a girl's family, friends, hometown or the way she grew up. I don't know how that guy ever thought he was going to do anything more than piss me off with this.
        17. For the love of God, if you text a girl, don't give one word answers. You contacted me. If you respond with a dead end, I'm not responding.
        18. Everything has a shelf life. Don't expect to hang around for years and not be in the friend zone. I've been told guys believe in an open door policy--that the door is always open. It isn't. Make a move.
        19. If I say it's not going to happen, it's not going to happen.
        20. I love a good dirty joke, but if you refer to my sexuality, don't expect to be called back.
        21. If you don't read, just assume I don't know how to talk to you.
        22. Zumba is a turn off.
        23. I want to get dressed up and be told I'm beautiful. All girls do.
        24. Don't act all smooth. Be yourself. Smooth is slimey.
        25. Brag about your girl. Be impressed by her. Don't hide her.
        26. Sing and dance even if you hate it. She will love you for it.
        27. Basketball shorts and a t-shirt are not proper date attire. Unless you are going to play hoops--a date I'm totally down for.
        28. Make eye contact. Flittery eyes make me nervous.
        29. Some girls need things--gifts. That's fine. I don't. I'd rather someone give me the gift of his time. Gifts make me uncomfortable. Find out what she needs and give it to her.
        30. Don't call a girl dude unless she is your dude.
        31. Don't dance around yes or no questions. Just answer them. Honestly. Unless she dances around questions--fair is fair. Dance away my friend.
        32. Don't try to date a girl who takes less time to get dressed than you do. Your high maintenance-ness will annoy the crap out of her. Always find a girl who is more high maintenance than you.
       33. Tell your baggage after a few dates. She needs to know and you'll make her feel special you let her in on your secrets.
       34. In public under no circumstances is it appropriate to only give her a head nod.
       35. Saying "I really like you. I don't want to date anyone else. I don't want you to date anyone else. I just don't want to be committed. But I can't stay away from you." Basically tells me you want to use me when you want to use me for what you want to use me for. Not happening. You're also probably too stupid to understand that previous sentence.
       36. Liquid courage is not sexy.