In regards to my last post, when I told my grandpa I was going to Los Angeles for school, we were helping him move into our cabin at Johnson Lake from his house in the town next to the lake, Lexington, Nebraska. He said to me, "Well, you go out there and you'll forget where you're from!" My mom (who people often mistake me for sisters with) and two aunts were standing there with us.
     "How can I forget where I'm from?" I asked. "It's all right here. Daily reminders!" I gestured to the lake, the house (including all of his boxes of crap we had just packed and moved the last 2 days) and my mom and aunts. "Additionally, I'll never forget where I'm going either because it's still all right here!" Gesturing to my family again. Below is a picture of my mom and me and one of my brother, mom and me.

     When I was younger, I hated how much I looked like my mom. Now, I think it's great because I know I'm going to age well haha! It's a wonderful thing to know where you came from, even if you don't have the best circumstances in your past. Looking back tells us how far we've come, or what we have to fall back on if we need it. Don't be afraid to ask for help or forgiveness. The past is behind us for a reason. We cannot change it, but we can learn from it and move on. The past is behind you, think of it as your springboard to jumping off into the world.

     Where you are going in the future is a beautiful thing to look forward to, but don't be like me and get too caught up in where you are going to enjoy where you are now. The future is out of our control and never certain. The only thing we have is today. From the girl who had to give up obsessing about the future for Lent this year: Live it up TODAY!

     This is how I will be living it up today, lifeguarding at the Olympic Swim Trials 2012. Yesterday I got to see Nathan Adrian, Jason Lezak, Michael Phelps, Ryan Lochte, Allison Schmitt, Cullen Jones, Missy Franklin, Brendon Hansen, Janet Evans and many others. It was amazing!

My new life mantra: It doesn't matter where you've been, nor where you are going. Embrace today.

     Great snippets of conversation I've heard today:

1. A woman I do yoga with talking about her 4 year old grandson: "Liam said, 'Red means stop. Green means go. Pink means princess crossing.'" She proceeded to tell me he asked for (and received) a princess costume for his 4th birthday and wants to know why girls get to wear sparkles and boys don't. I agree, it's just not fair! What a cool kid--with great parents!

2. While I was riding my bike to the gym to work today a cute old man called to me while he was walking: "Hey! You're riding right into my heart!" He was old and may or may not have been homeless, but it was nice either way!

3. Today was my first day back at work since LA and I was so excited to see my people! They were excited to see me too (I think!) and one of my guys in my classes asked me if I'm going to be leaving them soon to flee to LA. I said no, I actually finally decided that I have a bit of a plan and hope to stay around for the next two years. I told him how I'd like to travel some and find out where I want to end up. He asked if I'll be moving to LA in two years and I said probably not, while I have to be somewhere by the water, it doesn't get hot enough there. Larry then proceeded to tell me, "Well, Erin, when you fall in love and get married, you can't make that be a stipulation on your marriage. You can't say I won't marry you unless there's a lake or the ocean nearby. You just have to be happy and in love." I don't know how discussions of my future always end with me having to get married, but it's nice that he thinks I'm marriage material haha!

4. I follow Chad Johnson on Twitter. Love him. Tonight he tweeted: "PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: YOU CANNOT AND WILL NOT FIND YOUR WIFEY THRU TWITTER! #stopit. My response: Word. 


5. Crap! I forgot to add, before asking me if I'd be leaving my job for boys in California, I met the guy from my class on the way into the club. I had rode my bike and had a dent on my nose from my sunglasses. He asked me what happened to your face?! Did your boyfriend beat you up? Not that domestic abuse is funny, and no, no one beats me up, but I did think it was funny that he said that and then was worried about me falling in love. 

In one of my lectures yesterday, we were given a writing prompt to write down five things in which we are experts. They had to be kind of strange things though. I listed six. This exercise was kind of disturbing in what it reveal about me and my classmates. Here is my list:

1. Knowing all 50 states in Alphabetical order.
2. Cutting a pineapple how Tanner likes it.
3. Getting really excited, then obsessing, then totally freaking out about my future.
4. Kicking butt in a SWEAT class.
5. Saying way too much about myself.
6. Lying without lying--telling a story to get out of things without lying.


Then we had to write about that thing in the most authoritative voice we could. I chose to do my number 6:

      The easiest way to lie without lying to get yourself out of crap is to tell the truth. Just don't tell the whole truth.
      You have to start with something that is true, like, "Oh, my little cousin has a dance recital that day. I won't be at your graduation party." It's true, your cousin does have a recital, but that doesn't mean you are going to it. All that you have said is that she has a recital. Period. And you won't be at the party. Period. See? It's not a lie. Do not say, "I will not be at your graduation because my little cousin has a recital." That is a lie. Unless you plan to go to the recital.
     Late for an appointment? "I'm so sorry! I had to take my dog to the vet!" Had to implies past tense, however, it tells nothing of how far in the past that event was. You could've taken your dog to the vet weeks ago, but, yes, you had to do it. Lying is saying, "Sorry, I'm late because I had to take my dog to the vet."
     If someone shows you their ugly-ass baby and you don't want to lie, but you can't say, "Wow, that's an ugly-ass baby," find something else to say, like, "Oh, he's so big!" (only if he is bigger than you thought he'd be) or "What a cute little shirt!" (only if you do like the shirt) I tend to think commenting on babies clothing is good, because most of it is so teeny tiny that it is in fact cute just because it is so small.


What I think would be more interesting and revealing about myself would be to write about number 3: Getting really excited, then obsessing, then freaking out about my future. This is what I free wrote last night:

     Two years. This is a two year plan. Four years ago, I had told myself I would stay in Omaha until summer 2012 so that I could lifeguard for the Olympic Swim Trials. Next week, that goal will be accomplished, but then what? I need to see more of the United States. I have no idea where I want to end up. Everyone says I should move to California, but really it doesn't get hot enough here for me. And I just found out that I get paid to teach fitness classes almost as well in Omaha as I would here. It's 90 in Nebraska and a freezing 65 here in California for God's sake! In June. And renting an apartment here is, like $1,000/month vs. my $350 in Omaha (with a roommate).
     Additionally, I need funds. In Omaha I have a place to live and a great job that I love. I really love my job. I'm terrified I'll never leave Nebraska. Ideally, I'd live in Nebraska May-January and in, like, Mexico teaching fitness classes at a resort January-April. That would be Heaven. Teach for a university's low residency MFA program and then the fall semester at UNO or Creighton so I get Nebraska summer and fall (football duh!) and keep teaching my fitness classes here so I don't get bored then I get to peace out for the awful part of the year. Plus I get great practice on my Spanish.
     What about love? I want to fall in love more than anything. Really, I just need a partner, a buddy. I want to always have that person to do things with and someone to support me and my craziness. Someone who likes to read my writing. Probably someone who's not a writer though. Maybe, I don't know. Someone to go on bike rides with or run or travel or just go to the movies or out to eat. I don't have to fall in love. Maybe. I could just have a best friend. I need a dog. A dog and a buddy to do everything with at the drop of a hat. If I fall in love someday it will be with someone who who loves me like a song. Even if they can't sing or write a song, it'll be like that.  Like, I don't know, "Something" by the Beatles (that's what I'm listening to right now). Not settling for lack-luster love is a good plan. I am pretty decent on my own. I could just have an awesome friend to do everything with, a workout/travel/eating/conversing buddy. And a dog.
     Anyway, my plan. I have to have a two year plan. I have to travel. I'm going to New York City in August. I doubt I want to live in New York, but I have to go so that I can live a day in Amy's life, so I can write her day there. In October I'll go to North Carolina to visit Darby and Courtni. Maybe I could live there in two years. In December I come back to LA, back to Antioch--Yay being around writers!
     Next year I need to see some places. And write. And join Girls Inc. or become a Big Sister or something to get me around some young people so that I can be a better writer for young people--also part of my contract for this semester at Antioch. I need to do that sooner than next year though. I need to do that as soon as I get back to Omaha.
     Travel, travel, travel, work and write as much as I can so I can pay for my travel. When am I going to get a dog?
     I have to get Racists, Boys, Butthole and Old Lady Water Aerobics published. Surely someone will publish it. Everyone who reads it loves it. And that story got me into the 5th best low-residency writing program in the nation. Maybe I have to trash it. Maybe it's my first novel that sits in a desk drawer and never sees the light of day. No, it's good. Someone will publish it.
     After next year, I'll be ready to start my post MFA Certificate in Creative Writing. That is when I have to have a decent idea of where I want to live. In two years I'll get to start my student teaching in a college or university anywhere in the US. Antioch will help place me in any city I want to be in. Where do I want to be? I don't know, because I haven't been anywhere!
     Plan: live in Omaha and continue writing and working at my fabulous job and commuting to LA for two years. Travel as much as I can (which probably won't be much since I am using every last penny I've saved for the last 10 years to pay for grad school). Then that traveling will maybe show me what city I want to do my teaching in and then I will move and have a secure job for my semester of student teaching. And I'll finally get a dog sometime.
     Then I remember it's stupid to plan because some unexpected opportunity (everything is an opportunity even when it seems like a setback) will fall into my lap and my course will be altered forever. Hell, maybe in two years I'll just throw at dart at a map of the US and whatever city it lands in I'll go there for student teaching. As long as it gets decently hot there. And then I'll get a dog.

At Antioch we do 10 day residencies in June and December, then go home and work online with an advisor and a student group for 6 months. I committed myself today, in my project period contract (a plan we make with our mentors), to visiting New York City for the first time. Amy goes to NYC in my novel and I need to go on my character's journey, especially to experience NYC's art museums. Here are my Project Period Goals:

1. I have voice, now I need to develop storytelling and plot with that voice.
2. Go to NYC and live Amy's journey in the city.
3. Explore avenues for developing and publishing my personal essays.
4. Read the news and search for real life stories for inspiration like Greg Neri.
5. Get involved with Big Brothers, Big Sisters or Girls Inc. or something of the like.

I signed myself to this and I'm publishing it online for the world to see. Hold me to it!

Here is what has come of my Gary Frogmother story. It is now condensed to 451 words, not as few as I'd like, but 200 words shorter than I started with! I had no idea the complexity that goes into a children's book. You have to fit your story into 32 pages with pages 1-4 being taken up by title pages, publishing info and a dedication. You usually get assigned an illustrator who gets 14 illustrations that help tell your story. An illustrator that would work on my story, for example, I would hope would draw Milton doing something rotten other than putting gum in someone's hair, hiding a bone and saying mean things. The illustrator would probably draw something else to show additionally how awful Milton is.

Gary Frogmother

     Milton was a bully. He put gum in Sally’s hair, hid Griswald’s bone and told Henry he stunk at football.

     Milton was rude. He stuck his tongue out at the teacher, talked with his mouth full and never helped his mom with chores.

     Milton was selfish. He hid crayons, stole his sister Molly’s dessert and never passed the ball.

     One day, Milton’s librarian read Cinderella to Milton’s class. Milton demanded that he should have a Fairy Godmother.

     Poof! A man appeared. “Did someone call for Gary Frogmother?” he asked.

     “Gary Frogmother? I thought Milton wanted a Fairy Godmother,” Sally whispered to Betsy.

     Gary Frogmother appeared by magic so he must do magic, Milton figured. “I did,” he told Gary.

     “You must be a rotten little boy,” Gary Frogmother told Milton. “Nice boys and girls get Fairy Godmother. Meanies get me.”

     “Milton is mean!” Henry bravely said.

     Milton pushed Henry. Gary Frogmother pushed Milton. “Ow!” Milton cried. “You can’t do that!”

     “You pushed Henry. Treat others the way you want to be treated, Milton,” Gary said.

     “You’re dumb!” Milton shouted at Gary.

     “You’re dumb. Treat others the way you want to be treated,” Gary said.

     It was time for recess. Gary followed Milton outside. Milton kicked a ball at Gretchen. Gary kicked a ball at Milton. “Treat others how you want to be treated,” Gary said.

That hurt, thought Milton.

     At lunch Milton thought he would open his lunch box and find his turkey sandwich, an apple and both his and Molly’s brownies. Instead, it was empty. “Treat others the way you want to be treated,” said Gary, between bites of Milton’s brownie.

     When he got home from school, Milton wanted help with his homework, but Gary told Milton his mom didn’t have time to help him. Gary Frogmother even hid Milton’s pencils.

     At dinner, Milton belched without covering his mouth and didn’t use his fork. Gary Frogmother burped right in Milton’s face!

      "I can’t take it any more!” Milton cried. “You made fun of me, pushed me, ate my lunch and belched in my face!”

     “Isn’t that how you act every day?” asked Gary. Milton’s family nodded, even Griswald. “Treat others how you want to be treated.”

     Milton realized Gary Frogmother was right. He did hurt others, take what wasn’t his and have poor manners.

     Milton decided to treat others how he wanted to be treated. He helped his mom with the dishes and she helped him with math. The next morning he gave Molly a hug and she shared her waffle with him. At recess, he took turns shooting baskets with Henry and Milton made his first friend.

     Milton was much happier when he decided to nice instead of nasty. 

     What I miss about Nebraska: my heat, my job and my bike.
     What I will miss about Antioch/California: being with other writers, the overwhelming drive to write and my hotel room--can you say king sized bed with half a dozen pillows, a 42in tv with cable and HBO, time to read, write and blog and a maid service?! Holla!