In one of my lectures yesterday, we were given a writing prompt to write down five things in which we are experts. They had to be kind of strange things though. I listed six. This exercise was kind of disturbing in what it reveal about me and my classmates. Here is my list:

1. Knowing all 50 states in Alphabetical order.
2. Cutting a pineapple how Tanner likes it.
3. Getting really excited, then obsessing, then totally freaking out about my future.
4. Kicking butt in a SWEAT class.
5. Saying way too much about myself.
6. Lying without lying--telling a story to get out of things without lying.


Then we had to write about that thing in the most authoritative voice we could. I chose to do my number 6:

      The easiest way to lie without lying to get yourself out of crap is to tell the truth. Just don't tell the whole truth.
      You have to start with something that is true, like, "Oh, my little cousin has a dance recital that day. I won't be at your graduation party." It's true, your cousin does have a recital, but that doesn't mean you are going to it. All that you have said is that she has a recital. Period. And you won't be at the party. Period. See? It's not a lie. Do not say, "I will not be at your graduation because my little cousin has a recital." That is a lie. Unless you plan to go to the recital.
     Late for an appointment? "I'm so sorry! I had to take my dog to the vet!" Had to implies past tense, however, it tells nothing of how far in the past that event was. You could've taken your dog to the vet weeks ago, but, yes, you had to do it. Lying is saying, "Sorry, I'm late because I had to take my dog to the vet."
     If someone shows you their ugly-ass baby and you don't want to lie, but you can't say, "Wow, that's an ugly-ass baby," find something else to say, like, "Oh, he's so big!" (only if he is bigger than you thought he'd be) or "What a cute little shirt!" (only if you do like the shirt) I tend to think commenting on babies clothing is good, because most of it is so teeny tiny that it is in fact cute just because it is so small.


What I think would be more interesting and revealing about myself would be to write about number 3: Getting really excited, then obsessing, then freaking out about my future. This is what I free wrote last night:

     Two years. This is a two year plan. Four years ago, I had told myself I would stay in Omaha until summer 2012 so that I could lifeguard for the Olympic Swim Trials. Next week, that goal will be accomplished, but then what? I need to see more of the United States. I have no idea where I want to end up. Everyone says I should move to California, but really it doesn't get hot enough here for me. And I just found out that I get paid to teach fitness classes almost as well in Omaha as I would here. It's 90 in Nebraska and a freezing 65 here in California for God's sake! In June. And renting an apartment here is, like $1,000/month vs. my $350 in Omaha (with a roommate).
     Additionally, I need funds. In Omaha I have a place to live and a great job that I love. I really love my job. I'm terrified I'll never leave Nebraska. Ideally, I'd live in Nebraska May-January and in, like, Mexico teaching fitness classes at a resort January-April. That would be Heaven. Teach for a university's low residency MFA program and then the fall semester at UNO or Creighton so I get Nebraska summer and fall (football duh!) and keep teaching my fitness classes here so I don't get bored then I get to peace out for the awful part of the year. Plus I get great practice on my Spanish.
     What about love? I want to fall in love more than anything. Really, I just need a partner, a buddy. I want to always have that person to do things with and someone to support me and my craziness. Someone who likes to read my writing. Probably someone who's not a writer though. Maybe, I don't know. Someone to go on bike rides with or run or travel or just go to the movies or out to eat. I don't have to fall in love. Maybe. I could just have a best friend. I need a dog. A dog and a buddy to do everything with at the drop of a hat. If I fall in love someday it will be with someone who who loves me like a song. Even if they can't sing or write a song, it'll be like that.  Like, I don't know, "Something" by the Beatles (that's what I'm listening to right now). Not settling for lack-luster love is a good plan. I am pretty decent on my own. I could just have an awesome friend to do everything with, a workout/travel/eating/conversing buddy. And a dog.
     Anyway, my plan. I have to have a two year plan. I have to travel. I'm going to New York City in August. I doubt I want to live in New York, but I have to go so that I can live a day in Amy's life, so I can write her day there. In October I'll go to North Carolina to visit Darby and Courtni. Maybe I could live there in two years. In December I come back to LA, back to Antioch--Yay being around writers!
     Next year I need to see some places. And write. And join Girls Inc. or become a Big Sister or something to get me around some young people so that I can be a better writer for young people--also part of my contract for this semester at Antioch. I need to do that sooner than next year though. I need to do that as soon as I get back to Omaha.
     Travel, travel, travel, work and write as much as I can so I can pay for my travel. When am I going to get a dog?
     I have to get Racists, Boys, Butthole and Old Lady Water Aerobics published. Surely someone will publish it. Everyone who reads it loves it. And that story got me into the 5th best low-residency writing program in the nation. Maybe I have to trash it. Maybe it's my first novel that sits in a desk drawer and never sees the light of day. No, it's good. Someone will publish it.
     After next year, I'll be ready to start my post MFA Certificate in Creative Writing. That is when I have to have a decent idea of where I want to live. In two years I'll get to start my student teaching in a college or university anywhere in the US. Antioch will help place me in any city I want to be in. Where do I want to be? I don't know, because I haven't been anywhere!
     Plan: live in Omaha and continue writing and working at my fabulous job and commuting to LA for two years. Travel as much as I can (which probably won't be much since I am using every last penny I've saved for the last 10 years to pay for grad school). Then that traveling will maybe show me what city I want to do my teaching in and then I will move and have a secure job for my semester of student teaching. And I'll finally get a dog sometime.
     Then I remember it's stupid to plan because some unexpected opportunity (everything is an opportunity even when it seems like a setback) will fall into my lap and my course will be altered forever. Hell, maybe in two years I'll just throw at dart at a map of the US and whatever city it lands in I'll go there for student teaching. As long as it gets decently hot there. And then I'll get a dog.