I'm starting to feel like there are a few things I'm figuring out in life. I'll probably look back on this in 10 years and realize I didn't have a clue, but for now, I think I might be getting the hang of a few things.
    One of these things is dating relationships. They are scary, right? My good friend Kim says that they are scary because there are two options for dating: one, you break up and someone gets hurt or two you get married. Those are the only two options. And she's right. That's scary. Like really scary.
     Someone that I love was telling me how frustrating it is to see all these people our age getting married and having babies and my friend is not anywhere close to that. I am the same age and I actually don't find that too many of my friends/classmates are getting married or having babies. And I'm totally OK not being married yet. I think that's probably because so many people of my generation have been touched by divorce that we're even more scared and wary of relationships. Scared of getting hurt, scared of breaking a commitment.
     I'm starting to think that that's what a marriage needs to start with: commitment to the idea that marriage is for life. Ideally, I would say that marriage starts with love, but I highly doubt that you will love the person you marry every single day, because, let's be honest, in real life, there are bad days. There are days where I want to hate the world. But that doesn't mean that I will quit on my commitment to being a decent human being, right? There will definitely be days where I dislike my spouse. But if I can fall back on my commitment to him and to our marriage and our life, and truly believe in that, I believe I can stay true to him.
     So that's epiphany number one: that we must believe in the idea of commitment before we can dedicate our life to whatever it is we love. Epiphany number two? I've been wondering why we stay in relationships that we aren't happy with. Sometimes I think it's because we don't want to fail. But a breakup isn't failing, right? We feel like we invest time and effort into a relationship and if it doesn't work out, we think we have done something wrong. But, there's still something to be taken away from said relationship--right? If anything we learned what we cannot live with.
     All this being said, I think there are three kinds of romantic relationships. One: a fling. Person A is interested in Person B and visa versa, however, neither are really committed or interested enough in the relationship to change. Thus it fizzles out after a short time and no one is really too hurt. These relationships are not too bad.
     Two: a heartbreak. Person A and Person B have a lot in common. They have fun together but after a few months together, they realize there are a few fundamental things that are lacking. These can be any number of things--communication skills, differences in beliefs, different stages of life, etc. Because of the time both invested in the relationship and the initial attraction and things in common, they try to make it work. But for some reason--be it stubbornness or too strong of belief or straight incompatibility--neither person is willing to change enough to be right for the other. These people get stuck in a kind of limbo where Person A can see the person they believe Person B could be, but Person B will never be that person. And that's OK. But it's awful. It's heartbreaking to realize something isn't going to work. Many people will even get married believing that a person will change once they are married, but I don't really think they do.
     Three: lobsters. (Friends reference. Check it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyvRjF0NBeM) These are the kind of relationships that should last life time. You know, until your old and holding claws in your tank for life. Person A and Person B have things in common. They have their own hobbies too, but things are better when they are together. They still have things to talk about after spending 50 years together. They have the same core values and beliefs but are their own people too. They have enough love and respect for one another that they can push one another to be better, to change while still staying true to themselves. Unlike the people in heartbreak, lobsters want to change and grow together.
     I hope we all find our lobsters if you are looking for one. Hugs.