As mentioned in my last post, when I started this blog, I wanted to have a space that talked about how to navigate tough stuff. So, I'm going to be reallllllly honest here. One of my big tenants to life is, or maybe used to be, "it's not about where you are or what you're doing, it's about who you're with." This is why, I tell myself, I stayed in Omaha for so long. I didn't love the city. I loved living near my family and friends. I didn't love my job. I loved the people I got to see at the gym every day.

When I decided to leave Omaha, I was doing it on my terms. I sold all of my stuff in preparation to buy a camper and travel the US or move with Yadi Doggie to Europe. When I met Jared and he convinced me we could do the van thing together, I put my plans on hold. I had to get on his timeline. When we came out to Steamboat last summer and my aunt and uncle were telling us how short on staff the town was for winter, and Jared started talking about how it was always his dream to work on a ski mountain. I said we should do it. If it was my dream to live in a van and in Europe some day, why wouldn't we do his dream, too?

We came out to Steamboat for what we'd planned would be a ski season. Steamboat is the best place in the world in the summer. However, winter is long. It's better than winter in Nebraska, but it's still winter. Jared got to spend over 150 days on his skis this winter--he lived his dream. However, you don't make a whole lot of money working on a ski mountain and ski towns are expensive. After the ski season, Jared found another dream job working for Moots, a titanium bike frame company here in Steamboat. When I talk about his job, you'd assume I'm really proud of him and happy for him, and I am--Moots is like the Cadillac of all bike companies, he's made friends to ride with, he has a cool job in one of the coolest industries.

I am happy and proud, however, I'm also insanely jealous. Since we'd only planned to be here for 6-9 months, I hadn't worked hard to make it home. I didn't want to get too involved in the community because I thought I was leaving. I don't miss Omaha, but I miss being involved in people and organizations I care about. On the flip side, because I don't have friends here, I spend almost all of my free time in the mountains with my dogs and have time to write every day. In Omaha, where I had things to do, I was always moving from one thing to the next.

So, I'm asking myself what the answer is. Do I push myself to become involved in more things, change my mindset about being here and invest? Or do I continue to be more reclusive--write and run all the trails I can? The answer is probably somewhere in the middle. I like to proclaim myself founder of the No New Friends Club (because I have the best friends already and so many of them to keep me busy, why would I need more?!), but no new friends in Steamboat means no friends for any kind of daily interaction.

The biggest thing I'm realizing is that I have to make myself happy. Somedays I sit here and feel sorry for myself that I let someone else derailed my original plans. I REALLY don't want to resent Jared for going for cool things. I'd rather be with him on this sidetrack adventure than alone, right? As stupid as it sounds, throwing myself into the good things about living here and doing everything I can to not think about what I gave up, helps my attitude. I don't regret leaving Omaha and home is where Yadi is, so I can make it anywhere if he's around. If I come out of living in Steamboat with a published novel, a fourth Run Rabbit Run, and maybe a new friend or two, it'll have been time well spent. Jared has found the potential for a few of his dreams here. I need to shift my shorts sights on the things I can accomplish here and long sights to those other things I can't.

Abba and me climbing a mountain